chocolate peacock

It's that time of the month...and no, I'm not going to indulge you in an anatomy lesson...I'm talking about when I finally am tired of walking into my kitchen and wondering "what the heck is that smell" and consequently do a deep clean to find "that smell." This month's version is brought to you by the fridge. Upon opening the door, it took me approximately 3 seconds less than it did Britney to go crazy to realize it was the hot spot. Among my prizes: 2 Debbie Meyer's Green Bags, one with a brownish slimy green pepper half, the other with contents unknown. 1 small round tupperware , with pink and black corn. (for clarification, this is not like one of those Dr. Seuss Green Eggs and Ham things, no, it was simply moldy enough to not be yellow any more.) 1 medium round tupperware , with mixed slimes and molds..uh, I mean mixed veggies. 1 medium round tupperware , with mango salsa prepared on January 4 . I know this because I took a picture and pu...

I really love watching people suck on American Idol. I cringe and want to crawl out of my skin but can't stop. I also really love watching people kick ass. I want to go stand in line for 80 bajillion hours and try out myself. I really hate all the mumbo jumbo inbetween the people singing. I wish they would show more people singing instead. I also hate it when stupid annoying people make it through....like Tatiana hahhaa, maahhhahha, hhahhahahhhahaha, ohhhahahhahhaha. shut. up. Or Bikini Girl. Want to know why she made it...New research shows that, in men, the brain areas associated with handling tools and the intention to perform actions light up when viewing images of women in bikinis. Read the whole story here . I really love Simon. He's honest. I don't always agree with him, but he's not afraid to say what he thinks. Of course he's getting paid a butt-load to say most of it, but still. Paula, she's too nice. And I listened to some of her music. ...

Maybe I am just a bitch, but I find myself increasingly annoyed by well, lots of things. 1) When people are using the microwave, and then stop it with 1 second left. One second is not going to overcook your food. Or infiltrate it with any more toxic microwaves than the food has already been subjected to. If you do not like the beep, at least push clear or stop so you can see the time again. I hate it when it is 1 second o'clock. 2) When people act like their car is so flipping nice that they must take up more than one parking space. You are not cool. I want to key your car just because you think you are cool and took up two spots. In fact, your car is in more danger of being damaged by me than it would have been had you parked normal and heaven forbid someone park in the space next to you. I also do not like it when people do park in just one space, but are too stupid to realize that the lines are meant to be a guide for where to park, and instead they park 1/2 way out into...

This poem is dedicated to my dear friend Reza Alexander Kazerani. I miss him dearly. And no, he didn't die, even though that first couple of sentances makes it sound like he did. He just lives 6 hours away and is one busy dude, sorta like myself, except I'm not a dude, and thus we do not get to mingle like we used to. Buffalo Wild Wings And sushi and ice cream Inappropriate behavior in the walk-in Bosses are supposed to be bossy But not me, especially not to you Swapping for Panchero's Oh how I miss queso Rewinding the cameras to watch someone fall Saving receipts for crazy black cherry lady Re-dating cakes Not clocking out on breaks We never used the red book Instead we used facebook I never did anything illegal Except maybe mojitos Cameron tried to rip out his down there hair Blueberry Muffin Batter was Travis's idea And I'm still singing those damn songs

Guilty Pleasure #1 Smarties Bubble Gum. They're sweet, a bit crumbly when you first put them in your mouth, and downright good. I don't actually chew the gum, I eat them one at a time so there's really not enough gum to chew it. I also sort them out and eat them in color order. It's not always the same order...sometimes I start with whichever color has the most, sometimes whichever color has the least. Sometimes I eat them based on my mood, saving the 'happy' ones for last so that I'm happy when I'm done. Although the taste alone is enough to put me in a dandy mood. (Side note: today was actually the first time I've ever had Smarties Bubble Gum, but they were so enjoyable I decided to make them a regular guilty pleasure) Guilty Pleasure #2 Cleaning carpets, upholstery and the like. I especially enjoy it when there's a spot and I can see the brown gunky water being sucked back up into the hose leaving a fresh, clean non-spotted floor or couch behi...

So I'm sick...and I have been since like last Monday. Not yesterday, but 8 days ago Monday. I have no idea where I caught this nasty cold, but it is lingering on - sort of like Celine Dion - it's flippin old by now, just go away. To top it all off, I find myself in a sans facial tissue dilemma. I could use toilet paper, but then my already sore from blowing it every three seconds nose would become even more sore, and perhaps become so chaffed it gets scabby. I could just let my nose run and look like the wierd frog kid from Carpool in the scene where a huge snot bubble comes out his nose. I could go home and grab a box of Kleenex, but if I'm gone when the ole boss lady gets back from her meeting, I'll probably have to face the music for leaving the office unattended. So instead, I am reusing each used tissue as many times as I can without smearing the previously expelled mucuous all over my hands and face. Maybe, however, this is not the real problem. The real problem i...

Sometimes people I am required to deal with and I do not see things in the same light...we're not on the same page...we don't see eye to eye. But since I'm a kindred soul, I make whole hearted attempts to meet them in the middle...go halfsies....find a happy medium. Unfortunately it doesn't seem to be working and I end up with the shaft. Due to my unsuccessful attempts at "working it out", I spend most of my waking hours either: A) devising an evil (or not so evil) plan for my escape B) convincing myself it could be worse C) sulking and wallowing in self pity I have come up with a number of feasible and not-so-feasible not evil/semi-evil/evil plans including: A) quit and go back to school B) find a new job C) nerve up and play hardball Ok, so none of them are evil. Or even semi-evil for that matter. But I'm working on it. The problem is they all have a catch: A) if Travis gets a job with benefits B) I live in NW Iowa, there's lots of recent layoffs, an...