chocolate peacock

I have a slight obsession with avocados. When I have people over, I have to buy Club crackers because very few people are cool with just scooping the insides out and chowing down....they like to have just a few slices on crackers. I've always noticed (just for some reason now decided to comment on it) that every 13 th cracker (this is an average...sometimes it's the 10 th , a few times it's been the 16 th , but who really pays that close of attention) is darker brown on the edge than the rest of the crackers. I have a few theories on this phenomena: 1) Some crazy bastard at the Club cracker company decided to make them that way on purpose, with the sole intention of seeing if anyone would notice. He probably was planning on giving the person who noticed first some big reward, like the rights to the company because he had no heirs, or a million dollars, but since very few people have probably ever thought it was strange, no one ever told him, and he's since died, and...

1) there's been a terrible natural disaster, eliminating the facility in which you're supposed to work. 2) it's a holiday and you work somewhere without Nazi's that make you work on holidays 3) someone flushes the toilet above your office, it subsequently leaks poo water through the ceiling, then someone comes to fix it and cuts the sewer pipes above your desk out, and poo starts falling out of the pipes, and your whole office resembles and smells like what I can only assume the inside of a sewer treatment plant looks and smells like for two days. Yeah, number three really happened.

This one time, a few years ago....or more like 10 or 12 years ago...my Aunt Krista (so she's not really my aunt per say, but since I really don't feel like spending the time explaining we'll just call her my aunt) sent my cousin Zac (once again, not really my cousin, and once again, I don't feel like spending the time explaining, we'll just call him my cousin) and I to the gas station for some Dr. Pepper. We took a wagon, because Krista had given us a $10 bill, and 10 or 12 years ago $10 could pretty much buy you a wagon full of Dr. Pepper and candy. Anyway, we walked the couple of blocks to the gas station, went in, and started browsing. We noticed some strange activity going on in the connected liquor store (see, in podunk Iowa, we have one building that often houses multiple businesses - in this case a gas station, liquor store and movie rental joint). We quickly realized the store was being robbed, and (probably somewhat over dramatically ) dove behind the ...

My bathroom curtains consist of a very light weight, white/almost see- thru , perpetually wrinkled (on purpose) chiffon curtain, behind two heavy linen brown side panels. I've recently noticed, that every time I go in to use the bathroom, that the left side of the chiffon curtain has somehow moved in front of the brown side curtain...a feat which perplexes me, as there is pretty much no way for it to move that far unless someone deliberately moves it. I've since concluded that one of three things must be moving the chiffon curtain in front of the linen curtain - elves, gnomes, or ghosts. Upon further observation, I've decided to rule out elves, as all the skilled elves I know are currently employed by Mr. Tom Kunkel at Kunkel Tire in Hartley, Iowa. And wile gnomes are quite crafty little beings, it's really not an appropriate time of year for them. They seem to enjoy hanging out in gardens and other green areas, and it's still technically a bit wintry out for t...

I'll admit, although I try to do the shop locally thing, I shop at Wal Mart. I'm seriously considering changing that in lieu of my past 3 visits. Yes, in all 3 of my past visits, I have been unpleasantly surprised. Visit 1 Location: Spencer, Iowa I entered the store at 13 hundred hours on a Saturday. After strictly following the predetermined shopping list, and having 1 full cart, 1 shirt with juice spilled on it, and 1 screaming almost 2 year old, I found the nearest open checkout lane. I began attempting to unload my cart, whilst attempting to keep said almost 2 year old in the cart and putting all the candy bars back into their respective boxes after said 2 year old pulled them out. After emptying nearly all of my cart, I realized the checker had yet to start scanning any of my items. I looked at her with one of those, "um, and you're waiting because" stares when she promptly replied "You put the things on my belt in the wrong order." Up until ...

1) A coin-operated self-service dog-washing machine ("self" meaning the dog's owner, not the dog) has been introduced in a half-dozen carwashes in the United States recently, at $10 for 10 minutes, according to a January report on one such franchise in Stuart, Fla. The "K9000" is a 3-foot-high, walk-in shower area (or push-in, for reluctant dogs) with an open top, has six separate wash cycles, conditioner and flea-and-tick options, and adjustable water pressure and dryer settings. 2) At Mannerspielplatz ("Men's Playground") near Kassel, Germany, testosterone-fueled office workers can get in touch with their "inner ditchdigger" (according to a January Wired magazine report) and frolic all day long on 29-ton backhoes, 32-ton front-end loaders, jackhammers and various other big, loud vehicles for an admission fee of about $280 a day. At the Men's Playground, the owner said, "We fulfill men's dreams." 3) Change We Can Believ...

Jeremiah, here is your blog post. I am sans new material, as I am currently basking in the sun (ok, well not as we speak since it's dark out, but I was, and will continue to tomorrow) in the state of QR on the island of Cozumel, in the country of Mexico. The next 6 days will entail much Corona, with equal amounts of ocean, sunshine, snorkeling, and food. I was sans new material to this point because I was slaving away at work attempting to get caught up so I could spend a week doing the aforementioned fantastic things. Just to make you feel a little better about not being here with me, I promise to do the following: 1) I promise to think about you for at least 1 second per beer I consume. In which case, you're pretty much all I'll be thinking about whilst I am here. 2) I promise to snicker a little bit as I get tan thinking about how if it were you in the sun all day, you would probably resemble a lobster. 3) I promise not to promise any carnivorous water dwelling animals...