chocolate peacock

OK, so I'm obviously a little bit behind on the whole which-singer-did-something-crazy-on-tv-that-is-getting-them-shunned-by-everyone thing....even though I'm certain someone else has done worse. So I come across an article about all of Adam Lambert's upcoming tv appearances being cancelled. So I do a little googling and see that Adam Lambert kissed a dude during his performance...and had some dude fake giving him a bj...among other questionable actions these were the two most talked about. I'm here to say, what's the big flippity deal? Britney, Madonna & Christina made out on live tv, in a similar situation...and people thought it was the coolest dang thing since pre-wrapped sliced cheese...so right there there is absolutely NO grounds for the kiss to be any big deal. Besides, I saw the pictures, and I'm not completly convinced the keyboard player was in fact male. As for the fake bj, have you ever watched ANY of Britney's performances? The entire th...

It is a proven fact, and I can say this because I have officialy done the research, that when you are the designated driver (ie no more than a few drinks and none after 10 p.m.) that it takes twice as long to get to 2 a.m., and 2 a.m. is MUCH later than usual. Don't get me wrong, I had a blast dressed up as Dolly Parton. Blonde wig, tight jeans, high boots, significant clevage, got to budge in the karaoke line quite a few times....but there's something about sloppy, icky, drunk boys who think they're really hot getting all up on you that's different when you're not also sloppy drunk. Something, well, rather creepy. Something that makes me take a shower when I get home instead of clumsily falling into bed half clothed and waking up at 10 the next morning wondering what the hell that smell is then realizing it's me. I am all about being the dd once in a while....(and as Dolly, I get to be DD :)), and I really did have a blast with my pregnant nun friend and h...

So I'm surfing the interwebs (as my dear friend Jeremiah would say, and I kinda like his smooth yet scruffy style, and therefore am going to imitate, which they say is the highest form of flattery, when it's not plagiarism that is)and I come across a story about a gentleman who at one point was riding high as the founder of what is supposedly the largest Internet gaming company in the world. He now however, is not doing so hot, due to undisclosed reasons that I can only assume include multiple inappropriate rendezvous with a certain "young, beautiful and naive" intern who thought having a relationship with the big man on top would move her up the totem pole but lied and said he forced her to do it when confronted...but like I said the reasons were undisclosed...so anyway, he's sold 75% of his stock and plans to sell the remaining 25% (hey, he can do math too!) in the near future. Well, besides the likely mishaps that caused his demise, the poor schmuck probably on...

It has been 2 months and 3 days since I posted last. I suck at life. But that's beside the point, because I'm posting now. And you know what is happening now, that sucks even more than me....it's snowing. It is October 10 and it's flipping snowing. I don't really remember ever seeing summer, let alone going through fall and now all of a sudden it's winter. I am seriously not ok with that. I should have been a Mexican. So I could live in the carribean part of Mexico, where it's warm all the time, and where cold is 60ish degrees. There's hurricanes and sharks and shit, but it's warm. In other news....it's snowing. And it's seriously making me depressed. That and it's 2:42 a.m. and I have this strange desire to clean out my closet. I pretty much feel like a lunatic at this point, but those 2 five hour energy shots I took are really working....quite well in fact.... I'm sure I'll be a little disgruteled in the "morning...

OH MY GOODNESS...the world might just end...what else could you possibly do without Twitter for one whole day?! Seriously, I'm sick and tired of hearing about how some hacker shut down Twitter the other day because they wanted to stop one person's tweets. It was one day people. You will survive one flipping day without tweeting about what you're doing or eating, or your political agenda. Get over it, go outside or something, but for Jeebus' sake, STOP clogging the news headlines with stupid, boring, pointless articles about it!

It never ceases to amaze me how inconsiderate and/or un/mistrained and/or just plain stupid some people are. My friend Nikki's kids had a birthday party this weekend. I asked Nikki what to get them, and we got to talking about how expensive the fancy birthday cakes are now-a-days. I had one of those moments where a light comes on and a chorus sings "AHHHAAA" in the background - I was trained how to make all those fancy cakes (and I did a pretty dang good job at it I might add) at Cold Stone...so to save Nikki money and avoid her headaches by giving her kids some lame toy, I offered to make them the cakes they wanted. I know how to bake, but I remembered that we used frozen sheet cakes at Cold Stone and they worked really well because they're level and dense and yummy. So I called Grocery Store with a Bakery #1. I won't use names to protect the identity and reputation of the rest of the store, which I've not had an issue with in the past...just the bakery. ...

I would like to think I'm sort of a movie buff, thanks to my dear husband Travis. So when I opened up the internet only to see a news slug line reading: "G-Force topples Potter at box office" you can only imagine I wondered: "G-Force...I never even saw any previews for that movie. It must have been directed by someone really good. Or had really good actors.....oh wait, if it had really good actors or a really good director, I'm sure it would have been advertised. Maybe it was really loved by the country of China and everyone there went and considering they're like 1/3 the world's population and when you covert their currency into American dollars it is a lot. I better click on the link to see what it was." And that's when I saw it. The movie is about talking, super crime solving guinea pigs, who have access to the kind of technology that is locked away in sector 71 or 57 or whatever other sector the government has hidden it in. And that's...

Well I failed mini goal #1 - to post everyday. So it's going to just stay a mini goal! As for #2, I sort of completed it - I bought lots of fruit and ate mostly raw for the week (except for this weekend when I was at the Lakes with the family and we ate out) so I didn't have much package waste...but I did start cleaning out cupboards and stuff in an attempt to de-clutter and had some stuff that just had to go. And #3, yep, finally de-furred the legs...come to think of it, I'm a bit cold... So for this week: #1 continue de-cluttering and sell as much stuff as I can. I'm saving for a trip for my good friend Nikki's 30th birthday to Vegas. I'm hoping I can come up with all the cash using only "extra" sources of income. I also like the feeling of not storing stuff I don't need/use - especially if it's something someone else can use - it's a win win situation! #2 keep eating mostly raw / vegetarian. I feel really energetic, my skin has been...

In an effort to 1) boost my mood 2) blog more 3) better myself & the environment I live in and 4) entertain ya'll I am going to start posting "mini goals." I'm going to try and stick with daily and weekly goals - mainly so I can actually acheive them and realize I've done so thereby exciting me to continue setting and meeting them. Mini goal #1 is to remember to keep posting my mini goals. Mini goal #2 is to reduce the amount of trash I make. The average person produces about 4.4 pounds of garbage a day - and as much as I hate saying it, I probably fit the norm. Nearly everything we buy is in some sort of disposable container. To met this goal I have already been using my "green" waterbottle and I make every attempt to purchase things in packaging that is recycleable and/or biodegradable. We also started a compost pile at the beginning of summer. Mini goal #3 is to shave my legs more often. Au natural might be all the rage in some neck of the woo...

I almost forgot I existed, it's been so long since I've written. I have absolutely nothing of importance to say....work still sucks, it's July and we've had approximately 3 days that I would consider "summer" weather, I sang a Jesus song at my grandma & grandpa's "wedding" for their 50th anniversary, Amy bought me a huge peacock poster that I'm turning into an art project/wall hanging, and Liam started talking in sentances. In other news, MJ croaked...I'll have to agree with Mr. Graves on this one - yeah he was pretty much the shiznit 20 some odd years ago, but how can someone with a prosthetic nose and who knows what else really function much longer than he did. In other other news, my arch nemisis Billy Mays also kicked the bucket. Now I do feel slightly guilty, seeing as his poor bearded family is now without their screaming father/husband, but from all other accounts, I no longer have to brace myself during every commercial br...

I've always wanted to have the insightful insightfulness to write things that captivate my audience (which at this point is 2 followers - one of which I'm not sure really follows....wait no, 3, one of which I'm not sure really follows, and one of which doesn't have an account to prove they're following my occasional rants) but I just seem to lack the consistant ability to really enthral those few. It is especially high on the suck-o-meter when you have friends who can write and have brilliant ideas (and jobs that allow them to "work" whist blogging, facebooking, surfing the interwebs and otherwise not really work). (If I understood the whole * and numbering footnotes thing, Jeremiah, you would have a footnote here, but instead you get an akward parenthesis.) So to combat the ill feeling I have about my sucky blog, and sucky job, I decided to get drunk on a Monday night. Yes, 6 (maybe 7, I'm not really sure, I kinda lost count after 4..) Captain and Di...

So Jeremiah tagged me in some 15 books blog...and I'm not going to tag anyone since I'm not linking this post to facebook, and since I don't think I could even name 15 books let alone have read 15 books by choice since like 7th grade. So here's the ones I have read: Dean Koontz - I don't really know specifically which ones, but I've read some and I liked em. We'll just say I've read as many as it takes me to get to 15 after I write the others... The Pilot's Wife - had to google who it was even written by - Anita Shreve Angels and Demons - Dan Brown On Bullshit - Henry Frankfurt - I'd read this one over and over...partially because I like to pretend I'm smart, partially because I agree, partially because I only really understand like every other word and it need to read it that many times to understand it. Don Quijote - and yes, in Spanish Como Agua Para Chocolate - in Spanish La Hija del Canibal - in Spanish Yeah, that's all I can reall...

So when it's raining and Liam's sleeping, I find cool stuff online. Like how not "unique" any pop singers are:

Anyone who tells you they've never been drunk before is either boring, lying, a Mormon or combination thereof. A hangover is Mother Nature's way of telling you "Fool I told you not to drink so much. Now you gonna pay." (Don't ask me why she sounds like Mr. T.) Via a google.com query, here are the best hangover cures: 1) Sleep 2) A smoothie with some weird enzyme powder, milk, honey, strawberries, v8, a banana, and some other stuff. 3) OJ with a raw egg....also called a bulls eye. 4) Eating starchy food like bread. 5) Sources are torn on this one...but a little hair of the dog in the form of a screwdriver, bloody mary or other juice based concoction . 6) Don't drink so much in the first place idiot. Yah, for at least the next week I'm gonna have to stick with #6.

I really have nothing interesting (at least that I consider interesting) to tell my 2 blog followers...but here's a list of things that's happened to me in the past, oh I don't know, few weeks or so. They're in no particular order because I can't remember that kind of stuff. I got really sick, and got a steroid shot, steroid pills, antibiotics, prescription strength sinus & cough medicine, and an inhaler - which I learned have been re-formulated and re-named HFA's because some silly kids were inhaling the contents to get high instead of to relieve asthma symptoms. When I take them all together I feel how I would imagine someone who is coked out feels. And no, I do not look like the Hulk...yet. I had a garage sale, and made like $100 bucks for basically sitting in my garage drinking while people gave me money for my old crap. I turned 25. Upon reaching this landmark age, my car insurance premiums were reduced by $76 every 6 months. I learned this when...

I have a slight obsession with avocados. When I have people over, I have to buy Club crackers because very few people are cool with just scooping the insides out and chowing down....they like to have just a few slices on crackers. I've always noticed (just for some reason now decided to comment on it) that every 13 th cracker (this is an average...sometimes it's the 10 th , a few times it's been the 16 th , but who really pays that close of attention) is darker brown on the edge than the rest of the crackers. I have a few theories on this phenomena: 1) Some crazy bastard at the Club cracker company decided to make them that way on purpose, with the sole intention of seeing if anyone would notice. He probably was planning on giving the person who noticed first some big reward, like the rights to the company because he had no heirs, or a million dollars, but since very few people have probably ever thought it was strange, no one ever told him, and he's since died, and...

1) there's been a terrible natural disaster, eliminating the facility in which you're supposed to work. 2) it's a holiday and you work somewhere without Nazi's that make you work on holidays 3) someone flushes the toilet above your office, it subsequently leaks poo water through the ceiling, then someone comes to fix it and cuts the sewer pipes above your desk out, and poo starts falling out of the pipes, and your whole office resembles and smells like what I can only assume the inside of a sewer treatment plant looks and smells like for two days. Yeah, number three really happened.

This one time, a few years ago....or more like 10 or 12 years ago...my Aunt Krista (so she's not really my aunt per say, but since I really don't feel like spending the time explaining we'll just call her my aunt) sent my cousin Zac (once again, not really my cousin, and once again, I don't feel like spending the time explaining, we'll just call him my cousin) and I to the gas station for some Dr. Pepper. We took a wagon, because Krista had given us a $10 bill, and 10 or 12 years ago $10 could pretty much buy you a wagon full of Dr. Pepper and candy. Anyway, we walked the couple of blocks to the gas station, went in, and started browsing. We noticed some strange activity going on in the connected liquor store (see, in podunk Iowa, we have one building that often houses multiple businesses - in this case a gas station, liquor store and movie rental joint). We quickly realized the store was being robbed, and (probably somewhat over dramatically ) dove behind the ...

My bathroom curtains consist of a very light weight, white/almost see- thru , perpetually wrinkled (on purpose) chiffon curtain, behind two heavy linen brown side panels. I've recently noticed, that every time I go in to use the bathroom, that the left side of the chiffon curtain has somehow moved in front of the brown side curtain...a feat which perplexes me, as there is pretty much no way for it to move that far unless someone deliberately moves it. I've since concluded that one of three things must be moving the chiffon curtain in front of the linen curtain - elves, gnomes, or ghosts. Upon further observation, I've decided to rule out elves, as all the skilled elves I know are currently employed by Mr. Tom Kunkel at Kunkel Tire in Hartley, Iowa. And wile gnomes are quite crafty little beings, it's really not an appropriate time of year for them. They seem to enjoy hanging out in gardens and other green areas, and it's still technically a bit wintry out for t...