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Showing posts from April, 2009

The infamous brown edge of the 13th cracker

I have a slight obsession with avocados. When I have people over, I have to buy Club crackers because very few people are cool with just scooping the insides out and chowing down....they like to have just a few slices on crackers. I've always noticed (just for some reason now decided to comment on it) that every 13th cracker (this is an average...sometimes it's the 10th, a few times it's been the 16th, but who really pays that close of attention) is darker brown on the edge than the rest of the crackers.
I have a few theories on this phenomena:

1) Some crazy bastard at the Club cracker company decided to make them that way on purpose, with the sole intention of seeing if anyone would notice. He probably was planning on giving the person who noticed first some big reward, like the rights to the company because he had no heirs, or a million dollars, but since very few people have probably ever thought it was strange, no one ever told him, and he's since died, and I'…

reasons you shouldn't have to work

1) there's been a terrible natural disaster, eliminating the facility in which you're supposed to work.
2) it's a holiday and you work somewhere without Nazi's that make you work on holidays
3) someone flushes the toilet above your office, it subsequently leaks poo water through the ceiling, then someone comes to fix it and cuts the sewer pipes above your desk out, and poo starts falling out of the pipes, and your whole office resembles and smells like what I can only assume the inside of a sewer treatment plant looks and smells like for two days.

Yeah, number three really happened.

Robbers & Dr. Pepper

This one time, a few years ago....or more like 10 or 12 years Aunt Krista (so she's not really my aunt per say, but since I really don't feel like spending the time explaining we'll just call her my aunt) sent my cousin Zac (once again, not really my cousin, and once again, I don't feel like spending the time explaining, we'll just call him my cousin) and I to the gas station for some Dr. Pepper. We took a wagon, because Krista had given us a $10 bill, and 10 or 12 years ago $10 could pretty much buy you a wagon full of Dr. Pepper and candy.
Anyway, we walked the couple of blocks to the gas station, went in, and started browsing. We noticed some strange activity going on in the connected liquor store (see, in podunk Iowa, we have one building that often houses multiple businesses - in this case a gas station, liquor store and movie rental joint). We quickly realized the store was being robbed, and (probably somewhat over dramatically) dove behind the ne…


My bathroom curtains consist of a very light weight, white/almost see-thru, perpetually wrinkled (on purpose) chiffon curtain, behind two heavy linen brown side panels.

I've recently noticed, that every time I go in to use the bathroom, that the left side of the chiffon curtain has somehow moved in front of the brown side curtain...a feat which perplexes me, as there is pretty much no way for it to move that far unless someone deliberately moves it.

I've since concluded that one of three things must be moving the chiffon curtain in front of the linen curtain - elves, gnomes, or ghosts.

Upon further observation, I've decided to rule out elves, as all the skilled elves I know are currently employed by Mr. Tom Kunkel at Kunkel Tire in Hartley, Iowa.

And wile gnomes are quite crafty little beings, it's really not an appropriate time of year for them. They seem to enjoy hanging out in gardens and other green areas, and it's still technically a bit wintry out for them.